Navigating Family and Pastoral Expectations

by | Dec 13, 2023 | Church Leadership | 0 comments

Hey, Church Planting Family!

You know what they say, right? “78.6% of stats are made up on the spot.” Ha! That’s just a little humor for all my stat-loving friends out there – don’t get all ruffled now, it’s just a joke. But seriously, I came across this stat that got me thinking – and yes, I found it on the all-knowing internet, so it must be true, right? 😉

Here’s the scoop:

A whopping 65% of pastors feel like their family lives are on display, like they’re in a “glass house,” and they’re sweating bullets worrying they’re not cutting the mustard.

Down here in the South, we’d call that a “twofer” (pronounced “too-fur”) – you know, like getting two deals for the price of one. So, let’s break this down, shall we?

First off:

65% of our pastor friends feel like their families are in a fishbowl for all to see.

I totally get it. It’s like your family’s up on this impossible pedestal, and honestly, no one can nail that 100% of the time. So, what’s the game plan? Is there even one? Yes, there is, but here’s the catch…

You gotta switch up your thinking.


Step one: accept you can’t make everyone happy all the time.


Pastors, you gotta drill it into your families that it’s not about jumping through hoops for others. What really counts? Their walk with God and keeping the family close. Everyone messes up – it’s not ideal, but hey, that’s life.


Now, about the pastor’s spouse.


Let’s lay it out straight: they should just be themselves. The days of expecting the pastor’s wife to be a piano-playing, choir-leading superwoman are over folks. If they’re not on the payroll for specific tasks, they should dive into church life as they feel led, just like anyone else.

And you know what? The congregation needs to hear this too. But remember, break it to them gently, with love and grace, so it lands right.


Part two of our twofer:


2. 65% of pastors are losing sleep, thinking they’re not living up to the hype.


Let’s be real: nobody’s perfect, and expecting that is just plain loony.

But think about it: maybe it’s just your take on things, not what the congregation really thinks. It’s all about mindset, folks. Don’t let one loudmouth skew your view. I remember someone telling me, “People are complaining about this and that.” But when pushed, it turned out to be just him and his missus. So keep your cool, ask the right questions, and you might just get to the heart of the matter.


In conclusion:


Be you, and be cool with it. Your family should feel free to be themselves too.

If you’re working hard, doing your absolute best for your flock, then rest easy. Your best is all anyone can ask for. Keep it real, keep it grounded, and keep the faith!

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